Why sexologists recommend programming sex in advance

[Jultxxxyes]

Aiming an intimate appointment on the agenda, between work meetings and visiting the dentist, is just what some couples need to encourage their sex life

 

At first glance it seems a cold and forced solution, but those who see how sexual encounters are reduced by stress, because the responsibilities of the home have overwhelmed them, by the dedication that requires the care of children or other relatives, even by having numerous social commitments, maybe they should try it. It might surprise you. In fact, it is one of the favorite options of sexologists for cases in which lack of desire is not the main cause of sex escaping in the couple. The strategy is called the sexual agenda and consists of looking for a place in the planning of the week to intimate with the couple, establishing in advance the place, date and time. Literally.

That the prescription of this ultra-organized and optimized version of the classic 'Saturday, sabadete' comes from a specialist brings confidence, but does not prevent the idea from provoking rejection. After all, how is it possible to program something that should come naturally? The therapist and sexologist Inma Ríos explains: "We give a lot of value to spontaneity in our sexual relationships. It seems that the best encounters we remember emerged without being expected and we have the faith that, without doing anything, the time will come to enjoy new from an extraordinary experience ... In this way we make it a pleasure to enjoy very rarely and by chance ". The truth is that pretending that everything will come by magic, as it seems to happen at the beginning of a relationship, can be a way to condemn sex life to failure.

The sexologist Irene Valverde also insists that this strategy is perfect for those who do not have time to have an erotic encounter, and invites not to consider the cold pages of the agenda as an impediment, as we do with other things, such as dining with the Friends: "We spent the day planning; the food we are going to make, the clothes we will wear, the weekend trip ... endless scheduled events, and, as far as sex is concerned, it was not going to be different". In a sense, what Valverde says is most logical; If one strives to take time to go to the cinema at the time the movie begins or to make the purchase before the refrigerator is empty, why not look for a place to have sex with the couple? Isn't that what you usually do at the beginning of a relationship? Moreover, why not turn the agenda into a pretext to add some spice to the relationship?

Meetings prepared, with surprise, in a hotel ...
The reluctance to this plan arises from the fact that "we usually think that if we plan our sexual encounters, the magic is lost," says Ríos. According to the expert, if we think so, we are most likely to be seriously wrong. "The anticipation of the moment is already pleasant in itself. Having in mind that you are going to enjoy and prepare what is going to be done predisposes us for the moment. Activate our fantasies and feed the libido", remember for those who have forgotten the feeling .

Of course, for a scheduled sex session to be a memorable event, and appointments do not become less than obligations such as visiting the dentist (which is not usually pleasant), it is important to know how to plan the moment. Not only do we have to look for a space in which both members of the couple expect that they will be relaxed, "the duration must also be agreed, taking into account that this appointment is just as important as any other," said Valverde.

You also have to take care of the details so that the experience is appealing, and to achieve it there is nothing better than planning the dynamics. The game can begin before the encounter itself, the only barrier is the lack of imagination. "We can pay a visit to an erotic shop and select an accessory for that day," Valverde suggests. And he adds: "Everyone can decide how to plan it. You can agree as a couple or set up meetings prepared by a member of the couple each time, as a surprise", even prepare something special like a date at a hotel. Of course, it must be clear that this solution is not to comply quickly, but to dedicate quality time to the couple when circumstances make it difficult.

And if, despite all the effort, the thing does not stop flowing, there is no need to make a drama. You can always convert a sexual date into another in which to meet again, talk or enjoy a while hugging skin to skin. The important thing is to organize and take time to get intimate with the couple, whether or not erotic relationships. "You can start with different gratifying activities that involve intimacy, laughter and pleasure: massage, dance, caresses, bath or shower, dinner ... and go see how the moment unfolds," concludes Rios.