[LifeStyle] Living alone is making my anxiety spiral, but I’m too ashamed to reach out to friends and family

[Teacher™]

I’ve always been an anxious person, but have never been formally diagnosed with anxiety or prescribed medication to alleviate the symptoms. Last year I started living on my own for the first time, which, while freeing in many ways, has exacerbated my struggles. Being responsible for maintenance and repairs stresses me out, often to the point of tears. I feel ashamed of my inability to deal with what are ostensibly very simple, mundane problems. Even the prospect of hanging up pictures or painting a wall is daunting. I don’t have children, I don’t have any caring responsibilities, I’m physically healthy, and my job is both satisfying and low-stress – so why does life feel so difficult on a daily basis? Now that I’m approaching 30, I’m tired of dealing with my mental health on my own, but feel there are no obvious paths to recovery. My best friends have regular therapy sessions. However, they earn a lot more than I do. Even a trainee counsellor at reduced rates or a service like BetterHelp are beyond what I can afford. Whenever I visit my parents or hang out with my friends, I feel miles better. But as soon as I come back to my empty home, I start to spiral again. They’re aware I’ve been having a hard time, and always insist that I tell them whenever I feel sad or anxious. But, paradoxically, the worse I feel, the harder it is for me to reach out to them. I worry that if I contact them every time I feel down, it will wear them out, perhaps even scare them. It’s not fair to make them my unpaid therapists. I know from my GP that there’s a two-year waiting list for NHS counselling services for those in acute mental distress, let alone “high-functioning” people like me. What should I do? It’s great that you feel better after seeing your family and friends: you have found something that does work and, to a certain extent, that is what family and friends are for. I wonder where you learned that you might “wear people out”? We are social animals and we need that connection. I contacted UKCP registered psychoanalytic psychotherapist Prof Brett Kahr and asked him what causes anxiety. He explained that anxiety is the ultimate manifestation of being human, that we all experience it and it reflects how safe or unsafe we feel in the world. He further explained that “feeling some level of anxiety is often a sign of mental sturdiness, as an anxious person might be more attuned to the realities of life rather than being in a state of denial. It can be the people who are least in touch with their anxiety – those who profess not to feel anxious – who often project their own suffering on to everyone else.” link:https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/aug/04/living-alone-is-making-my-anxiety-spiral-but-im-too-ashamed-to-reach-out-to-friends-and-family