[LifeStyle] Arrives late, pours your wine and eats onions – 56 dating red flags that should send you running

[Amaterasu イタチ]

Picture it, a romantic restaurant, the perfect first date: the lights are low, the music soft, the food exquisite, and the flirting is moving from playful to saucy at just the right pace. And then, as you reach for the last chunk of focaccia … BAM! He licks every one of his fingers, grabs the bread and rips it in two – offering you the smallest half. Innocent mistake? Simple bad manners? Worse: it’s a red flag. Game over.

Red flags started out with a serious mission: to alert women to signs of potential coercive control within their relationship – for example, being isolated from their friends, mani[CENSORED]ting their recollection of events, and limiting their freedom and autonomy. Now, it’s widened to include far pettier things marking out potential love matches as time-wasters, dimwits or shaggers. Instagram and TikTok froth with posts listing telltale signs you’re on to a loser, and the definition of a red flag is rather fluid, incorporating the ancient concept of a turn-off and the newer, more visceral and niche “ick”. It’s an instantly recognisable hazard warning – little red flag emojis alongside a screenshot of a pre-date message or social media post are enough to say stay away.

The clueless romantics among us may struggle to identify ostensibly harmless behaviour as a sign of impending doom, but it all starts with the first date. Can you really tell from the way someone acts that dating them would be your biggest mistake since the night of the seven absinthes? Having observed more courting couples than I care to remember, these are the little red flags no self-respecting singleton can afford to ignore.

First impressions
Arrives late
Even seconds late is bad. In fact, if you turn up bang on time, you’re late. Three minutes early is optimal. Your timekeeping is the biggest first impression you’ll ever make, unless you arrive with a balloon animal under each arm. That said, trains get delayed, traffic crawls, and bosses always ask to “borrow you for five minutes” just as you’re heading out the door, so if the date texts regular updates on the delay and their ETA, we can forgive. But show up half an hour late whistling Bennie and the Jets as if nothing happened? They have no respect for your precious time. They’d be better off getting someone to phone in dead on their behalf.
Has resting disappointed face
If they can’t conceal their dismay that perhaps you’re not quite what they had in mind, imagine that face in church, perspiring and impassive, grunting, “I do.” Or that face grimacing as you struggle to unload groceries from the car. That face creasing in disgust as they leave soup and paracetamol by your sickbed. That face lighting up as someone younger and hotter walks by.

Looks very different from their profile photos
Our digital mugshots benefit from a brightening filter or dab of the healing brush tool, true, but on a dating app, you must look like yourself, in photos taken within the last year. It’s like people (men) who lie about their height, with 6ft being the default, even for those who stand on a box to reach their bathroom sink. If they can create such an outrageous lie destined to be uncovered within seconds of meeting, what else might they feel comfortable lying about?

Cancels the date at short notice
Unless someone died, they’re an arsehole.

Doesn’t turn up
Chaotic evil.

 

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