[Lifestyle] It's 2022: Time to start calling people by their preferred pronouns

[FazzNoth]

Today a good number of emails end with the sender’s name and contact info, with an additional line for pronouns. They come from work and personal emails alike. I’ve also noticed that younger folks are increasingly introducing themselves by saying, “Hi, My name is __ and my pronouns are they/them.”

The use of the singular “they” as a pronoun, what was once unfamiliar – and I thought grammatically incorrect – has become almost commonplace in my daily life. I laugh at myself because, when it comes to language, I had long considered myself a traditionalist, which is to say: No split infinitives. No series without the Oxford comma. That would have included not using a plural pronoun for a single person. At the same time, I’ve tried to respect people by referring to them using "they." When a friend gets married and changes their last name, I’ll start calling them by their new surname. When a colleague announces they’re transgender, I’m ready to do my level best and begin using their new name and pronouns. In each case, we’re talking about identity and respect, which trumps grammar.

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(Actually in 2019, Merriam-Webster added a new meaning to the four-letter pronoun. “They is taking on a new use … as a pronoun of choice for someone who doesn’t identify as either male or female.” So, let’s strike the grammar objection.)

 

'My pronouns (tell) you how I exist in this world'

 

I've spoken to several people who use “they” as their personal pronoun, asking them to explain why such a small word matters so much. Dee Tom-Munge, who works at the National LGBTQ Task Force, told me, “When I first meet someone I usually tell them my pronouns are 'they/them' in English or ‘elle’ in Spanish. I don’t do it to force you to speak differently from what you might be used to. I tell you my pronouns because I am telling you how I exist in this world. Simply, I don’t want you to ascribe or assume my gender by … using gender-based pronouns.”

Over and over, Tom-Munge has had to explain why they changed both their name and pronouns along with their gender identity: “As if I had to validate that I truly was nonbinary.”

No one should have to validate their identity to anyone.

Genny Beemyn, director of the Stonewall Center at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, uses “they” in order to “educate other people that gender is not a binary and not everyone identifies as she or he.” In fact, Beemyn is relying on language to redefine who they are and how we should know them. Language has evolved as has our understanding of gender, which some experts say is more complex than just male or female.

“When people forget or mistakenly assume my pronouns, I typically correct them," they explained. But Beemyn finds that they’re regularly “misgendered by customer service people who think they’re being polite by using ‘sir’ or ‘mister.’ ” Instead, they said, “I just curse under my breath and don’t say anything because I do not (want) to be constantly challenging people.”

This kind of heavy lifting – or shifting – can be helped by friends and family. Phoenix Lindsey-Hall, who works at an arts nonprofit in Brooklyn, told me, “I have allies that are really crucial and critical to me identifying as they/them and being known that way in the world.” When you think about it, if someone’s referring to you, you may not be in the room, which is why it’s important for others to remind people of an individual’s pronouns. For instance, Lindsey-Hall suggests a friend make a correction like, “Oh, actually they use they/them pronouns.”

 

Tom-Munge told me that if someone is being resistant or intentionally harmful in using the wrong pronouns, it’s much harder to address. First, they consider the safety of the situation because violence against transgender and nonbinary individuals continues to increase at an alarming rate. If not threatened, they might be more confrontational, explaining, “I don’t answer by my birth name or wrong pronouns.” They’ll also refer people to a very useful website called mypronouns.org.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/2022-time-start-calling-people-130045258.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuYmluZy5jb20v&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAABAx61_HMFS7jZ70SYLrenFUJUnyHY-VKZlEhnqK5D-jLOqcoEaFMBqUPAw1ajoe-jyXO6u_trk8g4ni7nXMZ5HIu87N1aO0Q6GlDXobE3e1DXdVpXevK1t7GscvcfhQ5w8HwPSgS3c6yXvamW9qMP7eO09gECcZ-uODKELNFW_u