When to pursue dreams and when it is better to change course

[Inkriql]

The idea that one must pursue their dreams has been widely disseminated, and that the key to making them come true is to persevere, that is, to systematically persist and not faint until they achieve it. From this it follows that if they have not been achieved it is because one has not tried hard enough. This current takes form in advice of the type visualize your dream, turn it into a burning desire, if you want you can, stay motivated, check your progress, you must not give up, make the necessary sacrifices ... to which it is added that you enjoy the trip. But how ?, impossible to enjoy so much effort and demand.

All these guidelines come to say that you do not pay attention to your emotions or the circumstances that surround you, no matter what it costs you, strive until you achieve your goal, live to achieve the goals ..., and you will be happy in the end. But with this approach it is impossible to achieve well-being or happiness, or even achieving the objectives pursued, because this way of proceeding deteriorates emotionally and has harmful psychological effects.
Neither be determined nor resign, learning is the key

After so many positive messages to achieve happiness, many people are frustrated to try to be happy all the time to follow ineffective advice, based on self-demand and determination. As a reaction, an opposite current is beginning to take shape that advocates abandoning these aspirations "in order to be calm", claiming that the human being is not qualified to be happy, with superficial and little elaborate arguments. This is also a mistake.

When a human being clings to his goals and dreams, and tries to make his aspirations prevail over reality, he ends up suffering, because welfare cannot be achieved outside of reality. Therefore, the best way to move towards happiness, or to find a way of life that allows you to get what you need, or to do an activity that satisfies you and develop your qualities, is not to set a goal and fight to achieve it. any price. Does this mean that it is better to resign?

Not at all, one should never resign, since resignation implies discomfort and sorrow. But the right way for one to do well in life is not to insist, but to learn from what is happening and understand the mistakes, in order to make the best decisions. Sometimes it will persevere, other times it will change course.
So dreams don't turn into nightmares

It is also necessary to review the dreams that are pursued, to discover if they really are the best way or there is another way to achieve well-being, happiness or personal satisfaction.

Many times dreams are, in reality, illusions that arise from fear. For example, someone who dreams of being famous usually has this longing for fear of not being socially recognized, that they do not pay enough attention, or not getting the resources they need ... So, a person whose goal is to be famous, escaping of fear, you can end up unbalancing, whether you manage to be famous or not, because it is not possible to be well escaping from fear.

On the other hand, if someone dreams of finding a job, or a certain job, and is afraid of not achieving it, he will go to job interviews much more nervous and insecure, and will inevitably do worse than if he were calm. Thus, it is necessary to identify fears and learn to solve them, as they will distort and obstruct the path. Not "overcome" fears, not "manage", but learn to solve them.

When one is not engaged in the result, in the future, but in understanding the circumstances in the present, it is easier not to fall into errors or frustration in the face of an obstacle, and it is easier to find alternatives.
The best way to live

The effective thing, therefore, is not to go after a fixed, external goal, but to walk in one direction, and to learn as events unfold, day by day. You have to be willing to vary that course if necessary, and always keep learning.

When a personal path, or a profession, is undertaken, and what is happening is understood, that can lead to reinventing and varying the initial plans, in some or many occasions. But that learning will inevitably lead to success.

Ultimately, the goal of any dream is to be happy, which is really the main motivation of every human being. But to be happy it is essential to learn to solve what hinders that happiness. And if it is not achieved at the moment, not believing that it is because one has not tried hard enough, or because the human being is not designed to be happy, or that it is not possible, but has not yet understood enough to solve What makes you suffer.

María Ibáñez Goicoechea and Jesús Jiménez Cascallana are communicators specialized in psychology, writers, speakers and authors of the introspeccion.com website. They have also written the book 'Learn to solve what makes you suffer'.