How to educate children by example

[#RekT.]

Our children do not learn anything we teach them. They learn from us
 

A few days ago, while my son was telling an altercation that had taken place at school, I paid attention to how he opened his eyes, his gaze is always naive, faithful reflection of the curiosity and interest he always has to learn, attentive, awaiting my response , and reaction to what I was telling. That look of a child, which as adults we someday lose, is what they have on us all day. The children watch us all the time.

As adults we are always aware of what we say or how we say it. But sometimes we forget what we do and, above all, we forget that the word convinces, but the example drags. Children follow our steps, every day we can teach them something: when we cross properly through a zebra crossing, when we are tolerant or respect nature.

If I asked you to prepare a list with all the qualities or skills so that your child would be happy and competent tomorrow in this society, why would you lean?

You would probably think of values such as empathy, the capacity for self-control, tolerance for frustration, respect for oneself and others, kindness or honesty, among others.

And now try to reflect on it ... how is it possible that children learn to be everything we consider necessary to be a happy and competent adult in this society, if we as adults do not show respect, capacity for empathy, we are not honest with do they or we show no tolerance for frustration?

As Mar Romera, teacher and expert in Emotional Education says: “Children do not learn anything you teach them. They learn you. ”
 

How can we face these values with children ?:

Empathy: Reflecting with children about how others can feel before certain actions or how they would feel if someone did something to them that they don't like. Real experiences are always more effective, so if we show children that we are able to listen to them without judging them, taking into account their point of view, naming what they feel, understanding and validating their anger, they will be more likely to develop This important value.

Ability to self-control: before a tantrum or a conflict when the easiest is to "join the chaos." Today we know about the existence of mirror neurons, through which we become infected with the emotional state of the other. When we are upset it is very difficult for a child to remain calm. Our calm is essential to end the emotional tsunami in which they have submerged, hence the need to work with ourselves to be able to transmit to our children the ability of self-regulation. An indispensable skill in life.

Frustration: when something does not go well, we have the option to explode or the possibility of stopping it in another way thinking about how good we can get from that situation. The message we can convey is that we cannot control everything that happens to us, but the important thing is that I can control myself. If we are in a supermarket line with our children and there is a problem, we can explode, get angry with the situation or try to take that moment in the best possible way.

Honesty: it is necessary to be honest with them and with ourselves. Children and adults are wrong and there is nothing wrong with it. Therefore, we need adults to apologize for our mistakes, otherwise we will convey the idea to children that we can harm other people without anything happening. When we ask forgiveness we show that we are able to put ourselves in their place and that we take their feelings into account.

Respect: respect for children, but no less important respect for us as parents. As? Setting limits, not allowing aggressions, establishing and not negotiating what is important to us, fulfilling what we say ... Avoiding power struggles and not allowing our most primitive brain to emerge, and without resorting to blackmail, threats and screams; if we respect them, they will be able to respect tomorrow and also learn not to tolerate disrespect. Self-care as parents is also vital. Children do not need perfect parents, they need happy, real parents who feel good about themselves, leaving behind the feeling of guilt and inadequacy that sometimes emerges in us.

And so we could continue to elaborate a long list to carry out the fundamental task of educating, without forgetting that “educating is more difficult than teaching because to teach it is necessary to know but to educate it is necessary to be” (Quino).