[LifeStyle] How To Handle Frustrating Friends & Coworkers: A Complete Guide

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Intelligence is subjective, but sometimes, you might be forced to spend time with someone who really grinds your gears. How can they be so...dumb? Tough feelings like anger and annoyance may surface, and you may struggle to keep your cool. But the truth is, with a little help, you can stay poised in the face of frustration. We're going to walk you through all of the easiest and most effective tips, so that you can take calmly deal with difficult people. That way, you can walk away feeling proud of yourself for staying calm, cool, and collected.

Try to understand that some people won't meet your standards, as much as you wish that they would. Focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses. If someone is difficult or rude, try not to feed fodder to the flame. Keep conversations light, and if they bait you, resist it. Keep in mind that everyone has different strengths and backgrounds. Do your best to lead with understanding (not judgment) and you'll feel less frustration. Part 1 Adjusting Your Perspective Download Article Step 1 Remember, there's a difference between stupidity and a bad personality. 1 Remember, there's a difference between stupidity and a bad personality. People with difficult personalities can be smart, and people with lower intelligence can be joys to work with. Determine what exactly is leaving you feeling annoyed, and it'll be way easier to deal with your frustration. Stubbornness, bad listening, arrogance, and closed-mindedness are traits that might make up a difficult personality. Someone with low-intelligence may struggle to keep up, or struggle to understand things you try to explain. Still, they might be kind, cheery, and ultimately, well-meaning.[1] Low intelligence is not a choice. Step 2 Keep in mind that not everyone can meet your standards. 2 Keep in mind that not everyone can meet your standards. This one is tough, but very important. You may realize that in part, you're getting frustrated with others because you have high standards (which is fair enough). Still, you might find that you're happier in others' company when you're able to tweak your standards a bit. Everyone is different, and not everyone is going to be your cup of tea.[2] You can't control this person's attitude or intelligence, but you can control how you react to it. When you get upset, remind yourself: They're probably doing their best. On a related note, if someone routinely struggles with a certain thing, try not to expect them to magically improve. Instead, try accepting them and focusing on their positive qualities instead. Step 3 Try to see... 3 Try to see things from their perspective.[3] Frustrated with a coworker who just can't seem to get it? Instead of focusing on how that makes things harder for you, try to remember how difficult it must be for them instead. It may be the last thing you want to do when tensions run high, but trust us: this will make you feel better in the long run. Plus, this way, you've taken a bad situation and turned it into a positive outcome. You've become a more compassionate, flexible person (in turn, making you a better friend and employee), which is huge! Step 4 Think critically about this person's background and disadvantages. 4 Think critically about this person's background and disadvantages. Someone who you see as "dumb" might actually be doing the best with what life gave them. Say that they struggle with public speaking; but maybe, when you think more about it, you remember that they told you how much anxiety they feel in tough social moments. This might help you find a little extra compassion![4] Hard work isn't always enough. You might work with someone who tries as hard as they can to reach others' standards, but they still struggle. Step 5 Don't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. 5 Don't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. As Albert Einstein once said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” People have diverse skill sets. Maybe your disorganized coworker is super empathetic and kind. Maybe your friend who doesn't understand your opinion excels in creative arts. There are a lot of good traits people can have without being intelligent: kindness, creativity, dedication, honesty, et cetera. Would you like to be judged only by your lack of skill in one area? If not, you might decide that it's not fair to do to someone else. Part 2 Handling a Difficult Person Download Article Step 1 Remember that their bad attitude is not about you. 1 Remember that their bad attitude is not about you. You probably didn't do anything to deserve being belittled or insulted. If someone likes to treat other people badly, their behavior speaks to their character, not the character of their latest target (and not you).[5] And remember, even good people have bad days sometimes. You might realize that someone well-meaning is acting a little snippy. That's not because of your behavior. Step 2 Know that you probably won't change a stubborn person's mind. 2 Know that you probably won't change a stubborn person's mind. For a lot of stubborn folks, their mindset isn't going to change, even when they're faced with facts. It's probably not actually about what's true, but rather, their own personal satisfaction. So instead of spending all of your time and energy on them, just let them do their thing (and focus on yourself instead).[6] The less you engage, the less frustrated you'll feel in this person's presence. Step 3 Try to avoid controversial topics. 3 Try to avoid controversial topics. If this person tends to get worked up about certain subjects, then focus on topics that are safe and pleasant. Politics, religion, and other high-tension conversations might end up feeling like a landmine. Instead, stick to pleasantries. Ask about the weather, how they're doing, or how their family has been. It might feel so tempting to try to one up them or prove them wrong, but it could strain your emotions and your relationships. Stick to the basics instead. Step 4 Kill 'em with kindness. 4 Kill 'em with kindness. Rude behavior tends to bring out the worst in people. Similarly, being kind may startle or confuse a rude person into behaving better. Or, it may make them realize that nobody will be on their side if they pick a fight with you. Skip rude or condescending behavior and instead, be exceptionally polite. Remember that it's much easier to be kind and polite than to be mean and nasty. Being mean is bad for your spirit and stress levels, and you're doing your own mental well-being a favor by being as nice as much as you can. Step 5 Don't react emotionally to their rude comments or wrong opinions. 5 Don't react emotionally to their rude comments or wrong opinions. The person may be trying to get a reaction or drag you into a debate. Show them that it won't work by quickly acknowledging it and moving on, without sharing your opinion. Politely change the topic or excuse yourself. "How interesting. Anyway..." "Well, you're entitled to your opinion." "Funny! So, last night..." "Okay, then. I need to get going now." Step 6 Keep your emotions in check when they push your buttons. 6 Keep your emotions in check when they push your buttons. Show this person that their tactics aren't working. If you want to be the dominant person in a conversation, then you have to keep your cool. Sometimes, rude people will try to use your feelings against you in an effort to make you look silly. This is unfair and unkind behavior, but for your own sake, it's best not to give them the opportunity. Take some deep breaths, focus, and try to be patient. If it gets to be too much, excuse yourself to go for a walk.[7] Remember that an emotional reaction will reward them by giving them attention. Step 7 Don't gossip or complain about them to their peers. 7 Don't gossip or complain about them to their peers. It might be tempting to tell everyone just how awful this person is. But what good will that do? While some people may believe you, others may think you're trying to start drama or bully them. It's a quick way to make things even more emotionally charged.[8] It's okay to confide in someone close to you about your personal problems. But it's best to choose someone mature who won't blab and doesn't have to interact with this person as much as you do. Step 8 Ignore them if there's no better option. 8 Ignore them if there's no better option. Ignoring is generally rude, but if you've exhausted the polite options, then it may be the best you can do. If the person addresses you with a dumb comment, just smile and act like he said something pleasant instead of engaging with him. Though this might not be "taking the high road," it is a great way to protect your peace if you're out of options.

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